I once heard a speech over changing your character and attitude. The speaker told us that people accepting a new you doesn’t happen over night.
Sure, some will see this positive energy you’re putting out and immediately love it. But others will take longer to convince.
You’ll be nice to them and they’ll think it’s fake. Be nice again anyways.
You’ll speak politely to them and they’ll tell others you are playing games. Continue being polite.
You will treat people around you with respect and there will be someone out there telling them to watch out for you. Don’t stop being respectful.
You’ll notice that with consistent positive behavior changes you will have less and less people doubting you and more and more people adjusting to this new better version of you.
A little over a year ago I decided that I was too negative. Both on social media and in real life. I never had anything good to say, I never had anything nice to say about anyone. Any conversation I had was putting someone else down. Every client that sat in my chair had to hear about my shitty day, my shitty life. Oh times are so hard, I’m so broke, my kids are so exhausting, my back hurts and life is just awful.
I’d then turn to social media and entertain “frenemies” Throwing shade at me, I’d throw it right back. Continuing a vicious cycle of back and forth petty little posts towards each other. I’d get worked up, I’d lash out. I’d make myself look bad and I’d push away potential clients.
You see, no one notices when you’re being provoked. Only when you react to it.
I blamed everyone and everything else for my behavior. My attitude was horrible and one day I just decided that was enough.
I made small changes right away. Every time I had an urge to post something negative on fb I stopped myself or sent it to a friend instead. Sometimes I would write the post, save it as a draft and then get busy with something else. Later I’d go to post something else, see that drafted post and think “well damn I don’t even care about this anymore. I’ve had time to cool off, I’m glad I didn’t actually post this for others to see”
When my clients came in I found good things to talk about. I asked how their own lives were going instead of having therapy sessions of my own (which they weren’t signing up for). Even if I was having a bad day, and had such strong urges to over share how awful I was feeling, I told them positive things.
“My kids are doing great in school, they’re learning so much, they say and do the funniest things”
“We are planning a vacation and saving money for it, looking at pictures and ideas for it. We’re so excited about this”
“My friends are having pretty exciting things happening in their lives”
Just anything. I reached and pulled random good things from anywhere I could. I began to use my fb as a place for work related things, pics of my kids and funny stuff I come across.
I never really focused on if anyone was paying attention to my changes because I wasn’t making the changes for them, I was making them for myself. I just started truly living in the moment as this positive happy person.
I think it had been 2 months into this process when people started telling me they noticed how positive and different I had been. I had forgotten that’s what I was even doing, it just became habit and not forced.
I noticed that I was gaining more clients, more friends, more good things started falling into place for me and for my family.
I’m finally at a point where when I hear that someone is telling someone else that this version of me isn’t real.. that I’m a fake toxic negative person.. I’m able to not miss a beat and continue on as if it was never said. Because I know that isn’t true and so does everyone that personally knows me.
Even after all this time I slip up. I have a bad day and I let the world know on Facebook. Or I come into work frustrated and I vent to the whole salon. I am a constant work in progress. I’m wise enough to know I’m not completely wise. Click To TweetI know I need to be better than I am today, and I will be.
I wrote all of this to say that it isn’t too late to become a better you. It’s never too late to notice and acknowledge toxic traits of your own. Make a deal with yourself to fix it. Make promises to yourself that you keep. Because if you can’t keep a promise to yourself then who can you keep one with?
I’m a different person than I was 10, 5, and 1 years ago. I’m a different person then I was 3 months ago. That’s the beauty of life. It’s constantly moving. Constantly pushing us in different directions and shaping us into who we are and who we will be.
The latest change I’ve tried to incorporate into my daily life is asking others how they’re doing or what I can do for them. Without expecting anything in return.
I feel like I’ve been in this “no one does anything for me” mindset and that isn’t who I want to be. I want to be the person that does for others.
I want people to hear my name and think good things about me. And again, this isn’t for them it’s for me. We hear all too often “you shouldn’t care what others think” but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with caring about your image.
And sometimes mine is in a negative light.
I want to hear from y’all on this one. What is something you want to change about yourself? About you character and mindset and attitude?
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