I barely remember my first high. There were a lot of firsts, the memory from them all sort of fades together.
I remember the excitement and the rush. Nothing existed outside of what was directly in front of me. I was in a world all its own, secluded from the real world. I had escaped. Time was nonexistent. Pain was a distant memory. All my worries had faded away.
I felt so much love for everything and everyone around me, I was on a cloud and I was never coming down.
I had no need for food or sleep. I was invincible. Nothing was real. I wasn’t real.
I’ll always remember my last high. I’ll always remember the way it felt.
My last high can be compared to a cigarette without nicotine. You go through the motions, inhaling as deeply as you can and expecting that release but it never comes.
You inhale again, this time even deeper. Panic sets in and you inhale again. Relief should come but it doesn’t and your body is trembling. You’ll do anything for it. You have tunnel vision, only one goal and focus in mind and that’s getting the high you need. Not want but need.
Imagine scuba diving, everything around you is so beautiful. The sea is never ending and you just float on through enjoying your surroundings and savoring the moment. Now imagine in the middle of that your air tank goes low. You’re so far out that you know you won’t make it back with the little air you have.
You hold your breathe and make your way through, only taking in the smallest little breathes. Your body recognizes the effort but it’s not enough to fulfill the urge to breathe. You can see the surface, but it’s just out of reach. You keep swimming up and up.
Taking in the tiniest breathes hoping the burning in your chest will stop. Your mind is in a complete panic and the most natural urge for survival is all you’re aware of. You need to breathe, you need to make it to the surface. Click To Tweet You need relief you need the burning and aching to end. You never quite reach the surface, you just keep swimming towards it taking in the smallest breaths with no relief.
For the rest of your life.